Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
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