just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
