Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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