Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
