My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
