why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
