Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Randomize
