best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Just high enough for therapy.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
