foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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