dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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