it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
