better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
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You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
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I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store