Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.