he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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