Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Writing my paper on freud at bar

  (917): View more from New York City

  ??

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children

  (917): View more from New York City

  Smooth

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  (203): Writing my paper on freud at bar (917): ?? (203): Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children (917): Smooth http://tfl.nu/hb6n
  Replies (8) Good night (1829) Bad night (845)
• Favorite

  (361): View more from Texas

  At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?

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  (361): At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now? http://tfl.nu/lbi5
  Replies (21) Good night (4624) Bad night (820)
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.

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  (602): So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby. http://tfl.nu/ia9y
  Replies (46) Good night (3884) Bad night (1642)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.

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  (404): No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it. http://tfl.nu/6j8m
  Replies (24) Good night (1847) Bad night (8690)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  it was like getting a handjob from robocop

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  (412): it was like getting a handjob from robocop http://tfl.nu/4yuu
  Replies (15) Good night (1079) Bad night (4184)
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!

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  (903): How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?! http://tfl.nu/tpho
  Replies (19) Good night (1275) Bad night (2486)
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.

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  (586): I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life. http://tfl.nu/7ulw
  Replies (15) Good night (1013) Bad night (2985)
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  Houston, we have a blender

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  (760): Houston, we have a blender http://tfl.nu/azdt
  Replies (4) Good night (2351) Bad night (783)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.

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  (630): What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday. http://tfl.nu/1egp
  Replies (4) Good night (1697) Bad night (682)
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas

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  (210): The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas http://tfl.nu/zrzb
  Replies (8) Good night (1554) Bad night (776)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.

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  (850): I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK. http://tfl.nu/rcbs
  Replies (5) Good night (1726) Bad night (743)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!

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  (518): I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING! http://tfl.nu/za5e
  Replies (18) Good night (1283) Bad night (2967)
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.

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  (321): He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF. http://tfl.nu/s52i
  Replies (9) Good night (1520) Bad night (535)
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.

  (1-954): View more from Florida

  Pathetic yet considerate

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  (954): Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up. (1-954): Pathetic yet considerate http://tfl.nu/ng7i
  Replies (2) Good night (757) Bad night (354)
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?

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  (773): My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean? http://tfl.nu/y06u
  Replies (4) Good night (858) Bad night (365)

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