white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.