Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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