meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
