I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
