Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
