just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
