Are we in a gay sports bar?
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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