this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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