i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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