I just cut my nipple shaving
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
