Texts From Last Night

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  (212): View more from New York

  I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for

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  (212): I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for http://tfl.nu/q18v
  Replies (9) Good night (660) Bad night (1702)
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  (334): View more from Alabama

  I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.

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  (334): I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves. http://tfl.nu/rn3o
  Replies (41) Good night (12433) Bad night (1511)
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  (941): View more from Florida

  i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head

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  (941): i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head http://tfl.nu/fs2w
  Replies (45) Good night (1211) Bad night (5165)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.

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  (207): She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird. http://tfl.nu/49lo
  Replies (20) Good night (7701) Bad night (2038)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?

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  (740): Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case? http://tfl.nu/5skf
  Replies (17) Good night (4974) Bad night (685)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework

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  (313): sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework http://tfl.nu/3cov
  Replies (12) Good night (4986) Bad night (838)
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".

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  (267): Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented". http://tfl.nu/soll
  Replies (10) Good night (2016) Bad night (3370)
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  (518): View more from New York

  our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.

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  (518): our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here. http://tfl.nu/908w
  Replies (5) Good night (3299) Bad night (753)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.

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  (618): An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name. http://tfl.nu/g5lt
  Replies (5) Good night (2363) Bad night (578)
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  (510): View more from California

  Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands

  (1-510): View more from California

  Tgat was the small dick alert

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  (510): Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands (1-510): Tgat was the small dick alert http://tfl.nu/0ham
  Replies (5) Good night (2158) Bad night (632)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.

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  (513): Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone. http://tfl.nu/y1zp
  Replies (15) Good night (1493) Bad night (869)
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  (619): View more from California

  I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.

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  (619): I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth. http://tfl.nu/xt4j
  Replies (9) Good night (1340) Bad night (261)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.

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  (505): It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand. http://tfl.nu/gh3l
  Replies (3) Good night (406) Bad night (1120)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!

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  (904): Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday! http://tfl.nu/ki05
  Replies (2) Good night (416) Bad night (233)
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  (510): View more from California

  Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra

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  (510): Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra http://tfl.nu/f97g
  Replies (2) Good night (453) Bad night (167)

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