Can I ask u a weird question?
do u have the hershy squirts too?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes