fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
