Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
