He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
