Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
