How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
