when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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