your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
