Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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