We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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