i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
