The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize