I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
My ass is underappreciated
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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