Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
