Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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