the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
