I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Dignity is for republicans.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
