oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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