My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Randomize
