walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
