sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
