I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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