If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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