Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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