awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
