I'd wear matching sweaters with you
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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