cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
