I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
