I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
