Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
