He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
