yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
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I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
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And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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