how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
