Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
