you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
