i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Randomize
