that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i came on her dog
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its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
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This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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