i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
