Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
