just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
