I can text with my tongue
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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