I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize