I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
