last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Who died my cat blue again?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
