i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
