you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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