My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
