I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
