I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I'm just crazy horny about you
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Randomize
