What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
