Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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