make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
