She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
