she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize